Secret Life of a Teenager Who is Not on a TV Show

The grass needs rain.

I need Jesus like,

A child needs her mother and father.

I need Jesus like,

A positive charge needs a negative charge.

I need Jesus like,

Shaggy needs Scooby.

I need Jesus like,

Someone who needs a friend.

I need Jesus like,

A turtle needs it's shell.

I need Jesus, because He is the one and only. All I can do is lay my trust in him.

Fight or Flight. If you two are fighting about the fact on who should pick the movie or what you guys should do that night, I would suggest you flight. But if you two are fighting about how each of you treat each other, I suggest you talk it out.

It's all based on if you think it is worth it enough--If what you guys are fighting about in the end really matters. I know that with my boyfriend if I feel that something is wrong I will convince myself to tell him, and if I think it's not worth it then I will not. You see with me, I have a really hard time talking about certain things with him. Like bringing it up takes me forever. We will just sit for like 5 minutes until I get the courage to tell him. So I know if it's worth it I will tell him, because why would I go through being vulnerable when it's unnecessary.

I will admit I have fought about the unnecessary stuff all the time, but I am trying to let it go. Trying to choose between the things I feel that are important. The things that are important that can better our relationship. Because as girls, we can sometimes blow things out of proportion, yet we think they are justifiable, because we either feel insecure, angry, hormonal, stressed, jealous, or just even sad. We have to look at the bigger picture. We have to fight for what is right. Choose your battles, and in the end the things you stick up for should better your relationship, or let you know what you want in a girl/guy.

Yesterday I had early release from school. So after school I met up at Toppers with my boyfriend, and his friend Nick. They were already there, because he does not have a 7th hour. So we ended up being the second group. There was a group before us and they had stayed there since the day before.
The weather outside was beautiful. It was probably about 40-50 degrees outside, and the sun was shining!--I tell you this, because later in the story you will be shocked.

A little bit later when other people started to arrive around 1 o'clock we started a soccer game with a bunch of the people in line. It was a lot of fun, because you met knew people and at this point the first four groups were the only people there. We got to know the first three groups really well. We met Jordan who was 39, His friend Joey, Wisconsin (that's what we called him), This guy who had blond hair, Ci Ci, her boyfriend Jake, Lizzie, and Katie.

We played so many sports, football, soccer, volleyball, Hacky Sack, baseball, kickball, and ghost-n-the-graveyard. It would get really intense.

After awhile more and more people started showing up. Everyone had tents set up, because of the weather warning. At nine DJ Jay showed up, and by this time the older guys have been drinking. During the Cupid Shuffle this guy knocks down Jordan and Wisconsin's drinks, and all the yuck spilled right in front of my tent. I had to clean it all up, and This guy who knocked it down had been getting high all day. So he was out of it.

That guy ended up getting in trouble. My boyfriend, Nick, and I were in Ci Ci's tent playing cards when we all heard something going down. We are all looking out the tent when we see three cop cars, the high guy getting dragged out of his car into a cop car, and Joey on the ground. There was so much commotion. We ended up getting out of the tent and watching the rest of it. While the high guy was sitting in the cop car he kept blowing kisses to Ci Ci and me, and I just laughed the whole time he was doing this, because it was kind of comical. This guy thought he was really cool and that he was capable of gaming while he was sitting in a cop car.

At twelve the Toppers Guy brought out pizza for everyone. Then My boyfriend, Nick, and I decided to go into our tent, because it was raining. As we were laying, we would have conversations with the tent to the left of us, and to the right of us, you could hear a little bit of the couple doing the nasty deed. I just droned them out and went to bed.

In the morning we literally woke up to a winter-NOT-a wonderland. It had just been 50 degrees yesterday and now it was snowing! Everywhere there was a good foot of snow! We then realize that during the night some people tried to cut in line and say they were first. There was a sign that said the line needed to start going to the right, but the Toppers guy said, the day before that, the line needed to go to the left, because he did not want to block the entrance to Quick Trip. The people ended up having to go to the end of the line. Everyone sang, "Nanana Na Nanana Na, hey hey...goodbye!", as they were walking to the back of the line.

When there was one hour left, we all had to get into a straight file line. I ended up being the 9th person in line, and proceeded to be the 9th person to order something from the Kenosha Toppers.

It was awesome. I would do it all over again. It was good to meet new people and experience all the four seasons in one whole day. I recommend that if you have a Toppers opening anywhere near you, you choose to participate in the overnight excurtion!

-And on most nights I do not even get to go to bed until one o'clock in the morning. I am constantly studying for tests, doing infinite amounts of worksheets, and lengthy papers. There is never a rest until we get a break at Christmas, in April, and for the summer. Yet, even then we are usually assigned big projects to keep us occupied. ( Like we don't already have enough to do)

One of my teachers says that her students are only suppose to spend thirty minutes a night for her class. Yet, she assigns a homework packet that you have two weeks to complete, notes that are due weekly, worksheets that you get daily, and you have at least one research paper per quarter. With all of this combined I do not think her mathematics skills are up to par. Thirty minutes to complete these things is unrealistic. This is only one of my classes, I have seven more.

I am not complaining I just believe that the work that is put on students is incredibly difficult, and sleep is usually lost on a daily basis.

The stress of school has made me lose my mind. I decided to take a nap today for about thirtyish minutes. I did not actually believe it would be thirty minutes or so, but I did not care enough to get up and set an alarm, so I closed my eyes. When I woke up it was abrupt. I got up so confused and flustered--the clock had said it was six. I thought I had slept until the morning. I got up so mad at myself for sleeping and not getting any of my homework done. But, the weird part was that it was really bright outside. I decided to sprint down the stairs and look at the clocks down there, because I did not believe any of the clocks in my room were telling me the truth.-- it was just too bright outside, it felt like it was noon. I asked my mom what time it was and she looked like I was crazy, because I was all frantic. I realized that it was not 6:00 a.m. but actually 6:00 p.m, and then I proceeded to go upstairs and start on my homework.

This is what has happened, because the result of the lack of sleep. I blame my teachers and the amount of homework I get bombarded with.

I have to work with jealousy on a daily basis. It is one of the hardest things to try and ignore. You see a girl in the hallway that is just drop dead gorgeous, and you compare what you look like to their appearance. Then you are filled with sadness, because to you, your appearance does not even compare and you automatically want to look like her. Another example is when you see a girl flirting all over your man. The "anger" jealousy sets in. All your thoughts surround the fact that you just want to physically hurt this girl, but then you realize that your boyfriend is just letting her flirt with him (he probably does not even realize what this girl is doing) So you start becoming sad, and once this phase passes it's on to disgust. This happens to guys too.

Jealousy has become just a normal thing with people that they do not even realize they are harping on the stuff they do not have instead of being happy for what they do have. I realize this is easier to say then actually put in motion. You can always say that you are going to be less critical on yourself, but you have to actually believe it if you want to change how you think and feel.

Ever since my boyfriend and I hit the point where we decided not to make out I have noticed myself getting more and more jealous of every girl who walks in his vicinity. It's become so bad that I am always thinking the worst. For example when he told me that his work schedule got changed I automatically thought that it was because the girl he works with wanted him to work when she works, even though I knew that was the most bizarre thought ever. So it just goes to show you how much jealousy can control your thoughts, and I personally think that to stop being jealous you have to convince yourself that you are exactly the way God intended you to be and deep down you are beautiful. It sounds incredibly cheesy, and something your mother would tell you, but it is true.

The jealousy about other girls going after your girlfriend/boyfriend--just think the only reason you two are together is because you both keep choosing to stay with each other. So to be jealous of another girl/boy because they are all over your person just say to yourself he is choosing to be with me, not her/him. This way you wont let the jealous thoughts run your life (:

This weekend I had a road trip with my sister and my brother-in-law. We went to go visit my brother who just so happens to live in Madison, which is one of my choices for college. After a night of fun, in the morning we decided to walk around and check out the campus. It was sweet. We saw the dorms, cool buildings where I might potentially be taking classes, sweet long boarding trails, and etc. It was just a really cool campus, and it is located near state street where most of the buisnesses and cool places where college kids can just hangout are located.

Looking at where I might possibly be going for school got me thinking. I thought about what my life would be, where I would go on a regular basis, What I would do, and How it would be living on my own.

I just think that it would be so cool to just leave high school at this moment, yet still know everything that I could in the four years and just leave for college. That we could skip all of the high school drama, homework, late nights, and living with the rents. I just want to be on my own and start in the real world. Yet, I know God has a plan for everything, and these last two high school years are worth something, and are his plans for me. So I will just look forward to the furture, and stay content on the present.

I learned about this new adventure I am going to go on this summer. It's called OUTWARD BOUND. I'm pretty excited, but part of me is really reluctant though. Outward Bound is where for three weeks you go and experience the outdoors like never before. You do this by rock climbing, white water rafting, and backpacking. This all sounds like so much fun. To just go and forget about the stress of life and enjoy what the outdoors have to offer. Wouldn't that be freaking sweet to say," Yeah I totally beasted that mountain and those rapids, pfft they were easy!" I mean this is not for everyone. You defintally have to have a certain interest to get excited to go and be gone for so long to go on this trip.I just think this experience would be worth while. You go there not knowing anyone, and having to make all these new bonds with people. You develop certain leadership skills and abilities you never knew you had. I really want to go,but

Part of me does not want to miss hanging out with my friends all summer.

I'm gone for a week in June, a week in July, and I'm back for a day and then leave for three weeks. When I get back from Outward Bound, volleyball for high school starts. So I only have about 5 weeks of summer where I'm home and can do whatever. Yeah I get to go to camp VCBC, a missions trip to Arizona, and now this Outward Bound experience this summer, but I'm going to miss my friends. Especially my boyfriend, who I know wants me to go on this trip because it would be so cool. Part of me just want to stay and hangout with everyone. Like summer is my time to relax, be home, hangout with friends, and stay up late. I do not have to worry about school.

I'm just torn, but I know that I will end up going on this trip. I just need to tell myself it is just one summer out of your whole life. Three weeks out of all the other thousands of weeks I will have. Yet these three will be amazing, and something that when I'm older and look back I will be so happy that I did this.

Last night I acted like the biggest kid ever! My boyfriend, his friend, and I were all walking out of church when I decided to start hitting my boyfriend with my lanyard that was attached to my keys. He got all riled up and acted like he was going to do it to me. So I start running to my car and get in and lock it so they are not able to come in, but my boyfriend and his friend decide to become zombies. And not the really dumb looking zombies who just moan and groan, but they started walking all funny and charging at me. Let just say these two are really well informed on Zombies, and were able to pull off a full impression. I decide to play along, like the four year old I am. I start driving around the parking lot like a maniac. I would drive up really close to them and when I would get to close I would swerve into safeness. After a couple of minutes of this I decide to make it even more interesting. I parked right next to a car, got out and if you know anything about zombie movies that is the one thing you are not suppose to do. My plan was to get out without them noticing and hide underneath the truck I was parked next to. But they were too close and I heard the grunting coming closer. So I took off into a sprint, but this is where it came real for me. I was no longer playing along in their little game. I was running for my life. I was sprinting for the church, and I was not going to look back at my boyfriend who was sprinting towards me grunting like a zombie. I start imaging all these crazy stuff, and it becomes real to me. It felt like I was actually running away from a zombie. (They are really well informed on zombies. )

Once I get into the church my boyfriend and his friend do not come to the church instead they turn around and go to my car. And then shooot! I just remember...

My car is not locked. So I sprint up the stairs where I know people will be. Once I get there I'm so out of breathe trying to tell my story, when Michelle says, "How do you become a Zombie?" And me being so well informed, because I watch zombie movies with my boyfriend on a daily basis that I tell her. If they rip you to shreds and eat you, you do not become a zombie, but if they just bite you and move on to something else, you become a zombie.

So this is what I get for acting like a four year old. I end up scaring the crap out of myself.

And do not worry this story ends with me returning to my car and they some how become all good again, and then when we are all in the car they attack me Ha! I think my boyfriend is as much as a four year old I am!

^ When I'm this old this is what I want my

husband and me to be like.Except for the fact

that I do not play the piano, or plan on learning

to do so anytime soon.

When I'm old I want to be the lady that you come over to her house cause she is so hilarious. I want to be the lady that, when her grand kids come over they know that "Big Mama" has some yummy fresh baked cookies for them when they arrive. I want to be the little old lady you walk past and say,"She is the cutest old thang ever!" I want to be the grandma that tells really exaggerated stories about my past as a youngin.

But most importantly I want to be that little old lady who has a cute little old man. I must admit I already have an old man obsession. I want my husband and I to be that couple in the grocery store who still hold hands like newly weds. I want to come home after a day full of athletic outings ,where I just beasted 50 year olds in a game of soccer, and see that my grandpa of a husband still went out and bought me flowers and we then indulge in a 40 minute make out session. (Yeah me and my husband still got it) I want to be the couple that still gets really competitive about sports even though we are old. This is the relationship I see myself having when I'm 73.

I have not been keeping up with our relationship. You are the one I am suppose to go to. You are my Advisor, Father, Keeper, and Forgiver. I have lost my urge, my will, my need. I want so badly to be with you again. I was at this spiritual high which seemed like it went on forever. The school year started, and things began to take up my time. I began to focus only on you when it was convenient. I began to make you something I would get back to later. I said I wanted to have the relationship like I use to, but I told myself I would get the things I wanted done first. The more I put you off, the less likely I was going to start again. This made me afraid. I go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays, and I feel this need to have a relationship with you again. Yet, I still decide that even thou I love you and worship you I fail to have the relationship. I'm not being the leader I want to be. I'm not showing you how much you mean to me. How can I say you are all I ever want, when I can not even set some time for you in my life? I feel this aching feeling inside of me, and I want so badly just to have a strong relationship with you again. Why do I keep putting you off, when you are what I need right now? Right now I could use some will power. I pray that I will get out of this funk, and we can go back to normal. I will forever love you, and keep you on my mind. You are almighty. You are the power. You will always be my guide.

Love Your Daughter,

Kathryn

5:36 a.m. The annoying buzzing noise is still going off, and I press my favorite button in the whole wide world, "SNOOZE". I then give in to my bed's request. I fall back asleep for the next best ten minutes of my life.

5:50 a.m. Moist, uncomfortable, yellow stain--crap not again.

Just Kidding : )

6:30 a.m I'm done getting ready, and already exhausted from all the unnecessary effort. I am almost tempted to get back to sleep for a few more minutes of rest. Then I hear my mother nagging for me to finally come eat. Because she, like every morning, reminds me how important breakfast is to a growing girl. I walk down the stairs and get that extra energy boost that my mom says I desperately need.

6:5o a.m. I'm driving to school--fully awake now. I deny that it is because of the breakfast, because I'm a teenager and need to reject all ideas coming from the parental unit. I'm jamming to my current favorite song, "I Wanna Hippopotamus For Christmas."

Again Just Kidding.

7:01 a.m. Parked. Dreading the fact that I have to get out of my car and walk towards school that is going to give me hours of homework, drama, and frustration.

8:35 a.m. Discovered there is going to be a physics test tomorrow. I'm not prepared. This is when the hair pulling starts.

12:07 p.m. I begin to get hungry, because the over achiever I am, did not schedule to have a lunch this year. By this time I frantically search around for anyone who has anything I can survive on.

1:30 p.m. School is so close to being over that I'm about to go dance in the hallway and shout with joy, but instead I go to my locker and catch up with my boyfriend of one year.

2:38 p.m. It's over finally! I meet up with my friends, Andy & Tarah, who evidently are having the same issue with one of our teachers, and we discuss our frustrations for another five minutes.

(Depending on the day I usually spend and hour and a half of my time working out or going to work after school.)

5:56 p.m. I've already distracted myself with Facebook and food when I realize the next thing I know I need to do is my homework.

6:00 p.m. I decide to call Jessie and have a study party. We decide to go to her house and do homework.

11:49 p.m. Finished all homework and Jessie's refrigerator contents, when I realize I did not study for my Physic's test.

12:40 p.m. Accidentally fall asleep on my physics book just so I can wake up and start all over again....